Captain Pandemic - 4

“Barker, take note. We need eight weeks salt and tack, replacements on our line, shot…. Barker! Take note!” 

“Vice Admiral, sir, this is the twelfth time we’ve been over this. We have already bought all that! Where did you think the line I’m rigging came from?” The Vice Admiral responded with a look that vaguely resembled the way a goldfish looks at Jupiter. 

“Maybe you should go for a walk? We have some spare coin, why don’t you go pick up some, uh…” he fished for help as he looked through the crew, “some… We could use some more… nails?” 

So the Vice Admiral found himself, nails in hand, stumbling through the market accidentally into the ridiculous tones of the pirate queen, Captain Pandemic.

“Ma’am, I don’t CARE what you’ve heard, we do NOT have any fire-resistant talismans, warlock-staves, or rings of power.”

“Arr, ye be playin me hardball, I see it now. Well, yer glasses o’ mesmerisination there, how much for?” Captain Pandemic, as he saw her now, turned her cap to the side.

“It’s not a – whatever,” the vendor sighed. The Vice Admiral began slowly creeping behind a stall.

He watched her pick it up and put them on, slowly leaning over. “Mermisation, huh? Well then, ‘Glasses’, show me… my worst enemy!”

The Vice Admiral froze when he heard the street vendor say, “Uh, you’re Captain Pandemic, right? The crazy chick that stalks that admiral guy? He’s over there,” the vendor pointed.

“Gasp! I’ll take your magic glasses, woman!”

“Whatever, those were broken anyway.” 

The Vice Admiral walked over annoyed muttering, “Wait, glasses? Are those even invented yet? Shouldn’t they be worth a ridiculous amount of money or something?”

“Actually,” the shopkeeper replied, “glasses have been in wide circulation since the mid-1700s.”

“Fine, but… magic glasses?”

The vendor shrugged and said, “Well, I have to give that one to you.”